• The Sisterhood of the Traveling Jersey’s House of Cards Experience

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    For years, I’ve dreamed about what fun all of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Jersey members did when they get together. It almost definitely involves lots of pillow fights in their underwear and playing MASH. I’ve definitely masturba… I mean thought about how great it would be to join up with the sisters someday. Luckily, on Opening Day this season, I got to tag along with Jbox and Jonny Dubs and overheard them talking about how this would be the SOTJ’s last year before it gets retired. I couldn’t rest on my laurels, I needed to get cracking and finally live my dream. After finding out my wife had a work trip to DC in August, I saw my window of opportunity.

    I met @greekpadre in an upscale Ralphs parking lot in Carlsbad for the long awaited handover of the magical jersey. It should be noted that under the tutelage of @greekpadre, Matt Kemp hit the very first cycle in Padres history. Much like the Rally Unicorn, the SOTJ is magical.

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    As soon as I had the magical jersey in my hands, I shoved it in my face and took a deep breath like it was a used panty I got from a Tokyo vending machine. The aroma can only be described as somewhere between musty and post-marathon running underwear. This must be where the magic is derived from.

    I should preface this with a few things. One, I lived in DC for ten years so this post will have ample tourist advice for what to do/what not to do. Two, I flew out alone with an 18 month old and most of my days were spent taking care of a baby. Three, as a result, I did a very poor job of getting pictures of myself wearing the jersey while out, but rest assured, it traveled with us under a jogging stroller as a valued member of the family should and was put on for key moments.

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    Flying with an 18 month old isn’t very fun, but it’s also adorable. Like Alexi Amarista.

    As most people do, I headed out to the Washington Mall my first day to run the kid and the SOTJ around in the stroller. The weather was about 97 degrees and about 500% humidity. Wearing the jersey for extended periods of time was not going to contribute well to the accumulated scent of the SOTJ. The normally idyllic mall is now torn up for renovations, which if I was smarter, could probably me made into some type of metaphor about our country in general.

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    But let’s face it, we’ve all seen the monuments in pictures. They are pretty, right? Especially the Washington Monument. I like that our national phallus commands respect and like me in my younger days, is always standing at full attention and ready to get down to business.